I don’t want you to be a “good mom.” Being a “good mom” is burning you out.
Whoa, right? How does reading that make you feel? Offended? Relieved? Confused?
I don’t want you to be a “good mom” because I’m seeing a dilemma in the parenting model my visionary women clients subscribe to.
These women have meaningful, legacy-building businesses but are trapped by a parenting paradigm that keeps them feeling resentful, guilty, and exhausted.
This stops right now. With you, with me, with all of us.
Ladies, we’re in a consciousness revolution. The world is shifting. More women leaders and entrepreneurs are claiming space, building legacies, making an impact, and becoming breadwinners.
We need a new parenting paradigm — particularly when it comes to “mom-ing.”
That’s why I created Expander Parenting™ and its underpinning truth: The best way you can love and empower your children is to show them what is possible by becoming the fullest expression of yourself.
Where did this whole Expander Parenting™ concept come from? Out of a coaching moment I had with a legacy-building woman inside my Mind Magic program I’ll call Jane.
Jane is typical of the kind of client I work with: She’s highly conscious, recently passed a half a million dollars in revenue in her business, and is learning to generate holistic success.
And something is still holding Jane back. It was during a fear of success discussion that she realized: Mom guilt is keeping her from experiencing her next quantum leap.
Her mom guilt said: “What if you allow yourself to expand and grow to multi-millions in revenue, and you buy your gorgeous dream home, and it takes your kids out of their school district and away from their friends?”
This fear made Jane shrink and hedge. Can you relate?
Maybe you’re so stuck in mom guilt you haven’t seen the light of who you truly are since your kids were born. You haven’t been able to enjoy your holistic success because the conditioning of mom guilt says you can’t. It keeps you limited and exhausted — and not living in the fullest expression of who you are.
But what if the measure of loving your kids and being a phenomenal mother is allowing yourself to access the heights of your limitless potential? To change generations by showing them what’s possible when you don’t shrink or play small? When you go all in and play big?
Expander Parenting™ is a generation-changing identity shift.
The tapestry of my identity includes mother, sister, daughter, friend, empire-builder, CEO, world changer, divine soul, sensual lover, and on.
You can’t build your legacy without expanding your identity because your identity dictates how you think and act.
Who is the highest version of you? Who is the next level of you? Who is the woman in your vision? What would SHE do?
I have a feeling she’d tell mom guilt to fuck off and focus on fulfilling herself first because she understands when you allow yourself to be who you truly are, you’re expanding your ability to be happy.
When you are genuinely in a place of self-love and worthiness, your joy will impact the kids, helping them be happy people.
Mom guilt? It’s not part of your identity.
As mothers and business owners, we all know what it feels like to be torn between the attention we give our children and our careers. It’s an everyday experience, right?
Sadly, the pandemic only heightened this struggle.
Suddenly, we’re filling the role of parent, teacher, and business owner in the same place at the same time. There is no “off the clock.” There is no “me” time. (Like there ever was!)
It isn’t about having it all. It’s about doing it all:
Getting your kids dressed and fed. Making sure they have everything they need for the school day.
Troubleshooting Zoom connection issues while fielding phone calls and checking email. Timing your meetings so they coincide with your kids’ breaks. Whipping up a healthy lunch and catching up on email while they eat.
Playing with the kids after work. Helping them with homework.
Cooking dinner. Cleaning up. Getting them ready for bed. Finishing up work once they’ve passed out. Doing it all over again the next day. And the day after that…
You’re a “good mom.” That’s what you do, right? You put your kids first, at all costs. You rearrange your life around them. Anything less than total, all-consuming commitment to your kids? That’s just plain selfish.
The pandemic made it more obvious: The “good mom” has zero boundaries.
And women are fed up with this current “normal.” Rightfully so!
The good news is we have more awareness. The bad news? We still have a huge problem.
I see a lot of women talk a big game about generational change. I see posts about smashing the patriarchy and creating a better world for our children and grandchildren. And I’m here for it! Unfortunately…
I see the talk, but I don’t see the walk.
What I see instead is you, a legacy-building mom, exhausted and resentful and depleted. The outdated “good mom” paradigm is sucking you dry. You beat yourself up because you’re doing everything you can to be a proud breadwinner, have a seat at the table, and lead a dynamite team and mission…
… While simultaneously acting out an unhealthy parenting paradigm that you must be a “good mom.”
This is the problem:
It’s old paradigm thinking. And it’s not working.
We’ve been raised to believe that a “good mom” is everything to her kids. Their needs are first and foremost, so she sacrifices what she needs for them. She must consider her children before any and all of her own needs, and that’s how she shows she loves them. (And how they know she loves them.)
This is what was modeled to us. This is what our mothers, grandmothers, and culture taught us. And if you don’t change this model, your kids will follow it. Outdated, sacrificial parenting smashes no patriarchy and changes nothing for future generations.
Our deepest desire as mothers is that our children are safe, happy, and confident, contributing to the world, and wildly successful at whatever matters most to them.
Can we model that when we’re exhausted, resentful, depleted, and guilt ridden? Can we build and scale meaningful, legacy-building businesses when we’re trapped in a parenting paradigm that keeps us feeling bitter and exhausted?
Society is massively limiting women and preventing us from tapping into our greatness with these bullshit expectations.
There’s NO WAY to build your empire, lead your team, take care of your energy, desire intimacy with your partner, and be enthusiastically present with your children when you’re forcing yourself to be a “good mom.” When you’re a “good mom,” you’re abdicating your sovereignty and what you know you need for some made-up “ideal” of motherhood that comes straight out of 1950s television.
What a gift you’ll give your children, your partner, and yourself if you embrace Expander Parenting™ instead.
This universal truth bears repeating: Children learn from who you are being, not what you are saying. You want your children to thrive. You want them to take great care of their precious selves. You want them to succeed beyond their biggest dreams. You want them to scream with joy. You want them to love themselves without reservation. They learn that from YOU. The influence you have on your children (and their children, and their children’s children) is most profound in how YOU show up. That’s why it’s imperative that we flip the “good mom” parenting paradigm and its principles, and embody Expander Parenting™ instead. Here’s how.
1. Prioritizing yourself over your martyrdom.
2. You can’t do it all — so don’t.
(Asking for help is a superpower!)
3. Quality over quantity wins. Every. Single. Time.
4. Trust that when you thrive in your life’s goals (and you’re the fullest expression of yourself, your love, your limitlessness) your children will, too.